Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE a great cocktail, and I am on a first-name basis with Jake at my local wine shop, but after decades of personal anecdotal research, I can attest that cannabis is SO much better for you than alcohol. Here’s why:
Alcohol is nothing but empty calories made from sugar and regret. A few hits of cannabis equals zero calories, while a five-ounce glass of wine (like you’ll stop at one) is 100-150 calories. And a boozy, fruity cocktail like a Mai Tai is at least 250 calories.
“But pot always gives me the munchies, and then I eat ridiculous things,” you’re thinking, remembering the late-night Slushee-and-Cheeto runs of your youth. It doesn’t have to be that way anymore; somewhere out there is a strain to give you exactly the buzz you want, without the unfortunate food choices. For me it come down to Indica vs. Sativa; Indica makes me snack and nap, while some Sativa strains get me so focused I forget to eat.
Plus, let’s be honest with each other here. Not only does one high-calorie drink often lead to another, but after a few, your ability to avoid the bag of chips/cheese plate/chocolate fountain/nightcap is seriously impaired.
Unless something went seriously wrong during an evening of cannabis use (like forgetting to toke and wait), a stoner usually wakes up feeling pretty good. The drinker faces a variety of fates, depending on exactly what they drank, how much and in what order, what they ate throughout the previous day, and the position of Mercury as it transited the night sky.
While the cannabis user tucks into a solid breakfast, the drinker might or might not be able to eat, could feel quite a bit queasy, and will require All. The. Water. Check-in with them again at lunchtime, and chances are the drinker is still feeling some effects.
Which brings us to our next reason. Let’s face it, after about 35, too much booze too often starts to make you look terrible. The bags under your eyes start wearing their own little puffer coats, and your face gets a little crepey. (Is that from the dehydration, or the crappy sleep? Yes and yes.)
After a big cannabis night, there’s just the faint imprint of the couch pillow where you fell asleep watching something hilarious. Maybe you forgot to brush your teeth. Big whoop.
Cannabis users are easier to be around than drinkers, especially if you’re sober. Stoners are rarely assholes; they might be annoying, but they aren’t aggressive, and now they aren’t even breaking the law. Drunk people, though, are unpredictable and often very dangerous. Think Philadelphia after a big sports win, or two hostile jostlers in a dive bar.
Alcohol can kill you and pot cannot. Never mind the long-term health risks, alcohol can kill you right away too. Science says if a person of a certain size consumes a certain amount of alcohol in a certain timeframe, they will die of alcohol poisoning. Maybe they will get their stomachs pumped in time and recover, or maybe not.
Meanwhile, there is no known fatal dose of THC. None. In fact, more and more medicinal uses are being discovered every day. It’s just not possible to consume enough to die from it. People can have very unpleasant experiences, and the effects can be more intense and long-lasting than expected. But nobody’s gonna die.
I’ll drink toke to that.